Thank You For Your Time

The job of an actor is varied, dedicated, and time consuming. When Ben was acting full time in LA he would usually have eight to twelve hours on set. That’s not including the time he would spend driving there (sometimes up to two hours), applying for jobs, networking, creating content, and developing skills. His weeks were often between fifty to seventy hour work weeks if not more. Now that he has a day job his days are just as long. He not only works his 40 hours a week for his day job, he also works at least 15 hours on acting/producing/screenwriting.

When he was a banker we could expect him home at a specific time every day. He had holidays off and evenings free. That’s not our current reality… so we’ve adapted. We expect that most of the weekdays the girls and I won’t be seeing him until almost bedtime. At first I felt bad going on adventures without him. I found myself waiting for him to get done working then feeling frustrated with him that he didn’t want to spend hours at the beach with us after a full day of work. I had bucket lists that never got any shorter and I blamed him because he was never around.

In the last few years I changed my perspective. A book I read that really helped me move past the hubby FOMO (that I was projecting onto him) was “Adventuring Together: How to Create Connections and Make Lasting Memories with Your Kids” by Greta Eskridge. In the book Mrs. Eskridge talks about how she created an adventuring group with other moms. She noticed that by adventuring with the kiddos she was raising outdoor children. When opportunities came for grander adventures, which involved Dad, the kids were more prepared for longer hikes and backpacking excursions. I love that! I realized that I spent too many years waiting around for Ben to have the time to do what I wanted to do for me and our children.

This summer I planned to go camping in June with a homeschool group. I put it on the calendar and let Ben know that we had plans (knowing full well that I would cancel anything if we were suddenly filming). As June approached we realized that camping with Ben, with other commitments we had planned this month and an important meeting scheduled for one of the days, would not be possible. Now… here’s the dilemma. Did we still go without him? Yes, I still went. I still took the kiddos. Why? Because if I waited for the opportune moment to go camping with Ben, we might only go once a year.

We want to raise outdoor children. We want them to feel confident setting up a camp, being around insects, sleeping on hard ground, building a fire, taking calculated risks, and exploring. Ben cannot possibly do it all, and I can’t expect him to. If we don’t divide and conquer, we won’t be able to succeed in our family goals. We want our children to have endurance so I take them hiking by myself (or with other moms/families). We want our children to love nature so we play in streams, study trees, and pick flowers. We want our children to breathe fresh air and feel the sun on their faces.

That being said, we try our best to make time for our family to be together especially for the big adventures. The nice thing about working from home is that he can manipulate his schedule more than most. He can take Tuesday off and work Saturday so we can beat the traffic at the theme parks and museums. As long as I put something on the calendar in advance he can usually make it work. Usually.

This past week I took the kids camping with a homeschool group. I missed him. We all did. But, this upcoming week as we enjoy a family reunion with Ben, we are grateful he was able to choose to be here. This work week will have many early mornings to put in his hours and his Saturday when we get back home will be a full work day. But after enjoying the first part of the week with his siblings it’ll be great. And, hey! He’s here!

They say that time is money. If he wasn’t spending time building a production company and his own skills he would never achieve more than where he is. The time is what propels us toward the goals we’ve set for our lives. Balancing a full life with a wife and children is tricky but he does his best. He always takes off Sundays and tries to be around for Monday Family Night and at least parts of Saturday. When he can he eats dinner with us too. If it’s a super great week, we go on a date. I feel the preciousness of those moments. I know he has plenty of other things he can be doing to advance his career but he chooses to spend that time with us.

Everyone’s time is precious. During the last few years I decided that my time was better spent figuratively keeping my head above water. My sole focus was keeping what little sanity I had left to raise mentally healthy kids. It’s a lot harder to do than I ever thought. I admire my in-laws for raising an amazing man who is confident, humble, and mentally strong. I wish to do the same for my children. So I dropped this blog. Something had to drop off my plate.

There are very few things that I feel spiritually compelled to do. Raising my beautiful babies and supporting my sweet hubby are two of them. Writing this blog is another one. I have felt the lack of it. I’ve felt the spirit remind me over and over again to write about this time in our lives. I don’t know why. I have no ambitions for this blog. I just hope God makes of it what He has in mind.

I heard a story recently about a man who plants a garden every year but never harvests it (he offers for anyone who wants to harvest to come by). He was asked why he planted with no plans to harvest. His answer was “The prophet said to plant a garden. He never said I had to harvest.”

In the LDS faith we believe we have a living prophet who leads God’s church on the earth. So when the prophet asks us to do something, we should try our best to do it as if the direction is really from God.

The gardener’s response was so profound to me. I write this blog because I feel that it’s important to God. Not that what I say is all that profound, but that somehow He will use this blog as a tool to help His purposes. I’m just planting these words here. Let God grow what He will. Maybe the miracles that follow my obedience will be the healing in my own heart. I’m already surprised with the impact it has on others.

Which brings me to you. Your time is precious, and yet you take of your day to read this blog. You comment, you share, you message me sweet thoughts. I read them all. I don’t know how many demands you have on your time, but I know you chose to be here. It means the world to me. As I am grateful to my actor hubby for taking of his limited time, I am also grateful to you. Thank you all for your time.