How Much Is Your Integrity Worth?

Recently on set I ran into someone I recognized. Now… I run into familiar people often. In fact, a common phrase on set is “you look so familiar.” Well… as background performers we all work for the same company and are all on tv frequently, so yes. Familiarity is inevitable. I don’t often remember where I’ve met people. That was not the case with this guy. No… this young man I would have a hard time forgetting.

I worked a night call in November. So far my one and only night call. It was a very cold night (for California anyway, no offense to my frozen-snot folk) and we were outside sitting on metal bleachers… from sun down until sun rise. I found a spot on the bleachers next to a group of young adults. This particular night call was heavy in the 18tly folk. Lucky me, I was cast as one too. Don’t read into it too much… I think they were short handed. What’s more, we were so far in the background that I doubt they were being too picky. 

I knew it was going to be a cold night so I came prepared. I had sat on enough metal bleachers during my hubby’s coaching days to know that I would want something thick and warm to sit on. I had brought a fleece blanket as well as my coat, hat, and gloves. As the night grew colder the guy sitting next to me asked if I’d share my blanket. It was big enough for us both to sit on so I agreed. I honestly felt bad for the guy.

As the night wore on the people all around me were becoming increasingly more chummy with each other. They were laughing and talking quite a lot. In fact, the production assistants had to come over regularly to tell the entire section to stop talking because they were being picked up on audio. You’d think that would help. But, no. The group didn’t quiet down at all. In fact, they couldn’t have cared less. They seemed to be there for an easy paycheck and catered food.

Any direction they were given seemed to be forgotten instantly. It was like talking to toddlers. “We need everyone in the first five rows please, so anyone on the top three rows, we need you to come down,” they’d tell us. Easy enough. Five minutes later they’d say it again. They’d repeat it over and over until the assistant director came over and walked up to the group that was too busy chatting. “Everyone here, here, and here, move down. Move down. Move down. Move down. You, sir. Yes, you. Move down please. You, move down please. No one is in these three rows. Move down. Move down. Make room everyone. Move down.” When finally everyone ended up in the correct rows the assistant director went back to his job. And the top row moved back up to their previous spot. 

If their blatant disregard for others (including the employers) wasn’t bad enough, they were also using language that was vulgar and crude. Meanwhile, I was stuck sitting right in the midst of this, in the same section for hours while the filming was taking place. I tried my best to ignore them and refused to join in the group ridiculousness. Unfortunately, because I had a warm blanket to sit on, I was followed or entreated to stay with the group whenever we were asked to move to another spot. After being stuck by them several times, despite my attempts to lose them, I finally was able to get far enough away.

That was one of the longest nights of my life. Not only because I was chilled to the bone for hours and completely exhausted, but also because of the massive amount of amoral conversations I had been loudly exposed to all night. 

Now, several months later as I was wondering where I knew this guy from, I realized it. He was the loudest, most perverse, disgusting and disrespectful one of the lot. He was the ringleader. As luck would have it… we were both stuck in the same group, again. This time on a different set.

Here we were, as sunbathers on a beach this time. Less people to engage in ridiculous conversation, but he still managed to find someone who would listen to him. He went on to ask us all whether we thought the crew would notice if he were to sneak off and nap. He mentioned that several times before he’s been able to sneak off set without anyone noticing and then come back just in time for lunch and to check out. I decided it would be best to change the subject to something more uplifting so I asked him about himself. What does he do for a living? It turns out he’s an aspiring actor. 

Now acting is a career that relies heavily on networking. Or as some like to say, “It’s all about who you know.” As I sat there listening to this guy I could only think one thing.

I would never hire you. 

I truly felt sad for him. I wanted to tell the poor kid, “Choose a different career. Kid, you will never succeed this way as an actor.”

In my opinion, if you want to succeed in a competitive professional career you need to learn some basic life rules. Responsibility, honesty, courtesy, professionalism, and kindness, among others. These traits can be summarized in one word.

Integrity.

Now, integrity is such an all encompassing word that it’s hard for me to describe adequately so here’s Google’s definition:

The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
“he is known to be a man of integrity”
synonyms: honesty, uprightness, probity, rectitude, honor, honorableness, upstandingness, good character, principle(s), ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, nobility, high-mindedness, right-mindedness, noble-mindedness, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness
“I never doubted his integrity”
antonyms: dishonesty

Google

Is it such a big thing to ask that someone go to work and actually work their very best? Is it so difficult to be respectful of those around you? Isn’t it important to be honest with yourself and others? How cheap do we sell our integrity?

I have always felt that if someone was going to pay me money to do something, I should do it well and to the very best of my ability. That includes putting forth every effort to do the job the way the employer would like the job done. Not just well enough. And not dragging my feet.

Why would anyone hire an actor that sneaks off set? An actor that doesn’t put forth the effort to act is only putting on an act for himself. Does he actually want to be an actor if he won’t put forth the effort with every role he’s entrusted with?

I ditched school for the first time ever in college. The thought of going to my speech and movement class gave me anxiety. We had an assignment where I had to give a speech in gibberish. I wish I were joking but this class actually exists. My classmates would then ask questions, and I would need to answer them, all the while in some made up phonetic language. That assignment was worth a third of my grade. I drove around, circling the parking lot telling myself that I could do this ridiculous assignment and survive it. After an hour of internal turmoil, I decided, I just couldn’t do it. I drove home and changed my major from music theatre to music. That wasn’t the only reason I quit. I was told that I would audition for shows at the end of each semester. I would be cast in a production, any production they determined, and would not be able to turn down any role that was given to me. That was the theatre department policy.

Shortly into my first semester as a music theatre major, I went to watch a show put on by the theatre department. It was so sacrilegious and vulgar I could hardly stomach it. I knew that I could not be what they were going to try to make me be. I would never be someone who would be willing to do anything for her career. And I would not stand for being forced into any role. So I changed my major. I had to be honest with myself. I also just felt like I wasn’t where I needed to be. So I began to look for my next step in life. It took me another year before I found my passion for music therapy, which led me to Utah State University, which led me to Ben, the love of my life. I’m glad I was honest with myself enough to give up my dreams. Funny enough, as soon as I did, God helped me make new dreams.

Last month I was on a set where one of the lead actors was chatting with the crew about how lucky he was to be on this movie. He told everyone how the role was offered to someone else who turned it down after seeing that there was nudity in the script. He started mocking that actor saying, “What kind of a professional would do that?! Really dude? His loss.” He then started mocking all actors with morals and values as if they were not allowed to have them. The strange thing was that everyone around him completely agreed. It seemed to make complete sense to them that professional actors should put their own morals and stipulations aside so they could be successful and respectful to the screenwriter.

I have heard the saying,

If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.

With the crumbling morals of those around us, it’s sometimes difficult to feel like we are going to have a chance to succeed in this career.

And yet, if we don’t stand for what we believe in, who do we become? If we stop caring and decide to go with the flow sometimes we find ourselves in rapids that are difficult to escape. In this world with no moral barriers it’s no wonder that there are so many divorces. It’s no wonder there’s abuse, theft, vandalism, pollution, and crime.

When someone makes decisions constantly that go against what is right and good what do you think it must do to their self esteem? After a while, there isn’t much left. They learn to distrust themselves. They learn to self hate. I know. I’ve been there. I’m sure we all have from time to time.

For the longest time I would make promises to myself that I would constantly break. I felt like I was a horrible person every time I lied to myself. It seemed the best way to combat the self-loathing was to either, decide to not care at all and justify my actions or develop greater integrity so I could respect myself. Which do we choose on a daily basis? Don’t get me wrong, I fail often despite my best efforts. But I’ve learned to make smaller goals that I know I can do and work up rather than make goals that I will constantly break. I feel it helps me be optimistic.

As individuals Ben and I have decided on morals and values that we each have. We only apply for jobs that fit those values. Ben has turned down so many auditions because of content. Some say that means we have less of a chance at getting our “big break.” I say God will make our fewer chances count more. It’s not quantity. It’s quality. And not to worry. Ben will get roles because of his values as well. We choose to stick to our morals despite the culture we’re around. Because, God is good. He’ll make it all work out. I pray that God will help us to have the courage always to do what’s right. Because I know he would never lead us astray.