Car trouble

So… this happened.

Ben was on his way to work on a two-day commercial. The driver in the semi truck wasn’t watching. Sadly, Ben wasn’t able to make it to the commercial he had booked. In fact… they found someone else for the job and promised they’d bring him back for something else in the future. Ben didn’t get injured at all. Well… he did end up with a tight neck and shoulders and a migraine for a few days but we’ll take that considering the alternative. We have been blessed.

As happy as we are that Ben wasn’t at fault and was safe, we’re now out a car. And… the car Ben was driving was my mom’s car… so… she was also inconvenienced by the accident. Not that us using her car wasn’t inconvenient in the first place. So now we need to figure out how everyone gets to where they need to go.

Ben suggested we let him figure out how to get to work. He figured he could take the bus to LA. However, with his work hours being so spontaneous it would be very difficult for Ben to get there on time and back home when he needed to be home. Ben works about two hours from where we live with very interesting hours. When he goes in for a night shift we never know when he’ll come home. It could be early morning like 1 am or it could be at 10 am the next morning. Los Angeles is not like New York or Las Vegas. Those cities “never sleep.” Well… LA sleeps. Buses stop running after a certain time and start again in the morning. If he got off work at one in the morning, how would he be able to get home? The city streets aren’t the safest. No, Ben needs a car. So… here’s the situation. My Dad has a car, my brother has a car, and we have a car. My mom’s car is in the repair shop.

Little did we know how difficult having one car would be when we first moved to California. We thought our girls would be going to the neighborhood school. We thought we’d be able to afford a motorcycle by now. We hoped that we could use the bus system if we needed to. We didn’t intend to rely so heavily on someone else’s car. The neighborhood school…. well, you all heard why that didn’t work out. After that experience we wanted our girls to either be virtual schooled or to go to a charter school. We were able to get both Jess and Liz into the charter school (we only thought we’d get Liz in). It’s an amazing school… the thing is though…. it’s three miles away. I’m regretting now not doing virtual school for the girls. Generally I make that trip three times a day, every weekday. Once to take Jess to school, once to take Liz to late-bird kindergarten, and once to pick them both up. So… if we tried to walk or bike, the miles would sure add up. Even if I could bike that much, the girls don’t have that stamina. And me pulling fifty pounds in a trailer (carting my two littlest along) with two kids on bikes is a possibility. The kids would struggle making that distance the first few times, but after a while we’d do just fine. And, I could just stay close by the school until it was time to drop off Liz so they would only have to trek there and back once. 

Taking the bus is out of the question… unless we want to pay $40 a person for a month bus pass. It’s cheaper to pay for a car loan after adding up fares for the girls and I. Day passes are $5 a person for the day. So… $20 a day for the girls and I. So possibly we could do that. Riding the bus was free in Logan. Here it’s bizarre! Uber is $40 each ride, there and back. 

Can’t I just ask for help? You know what… yes I could. I have plenty of people who would help me and have offered generally. But… honestly… I’m so tired of needing help all the time. Maybe I’m just stubborn. Maybe I’m just worn out. I don’t know. I just don’t like the feeling of constantly being the one that needs. I would love to be on the other side. Maybe I just don’t want to feel like a burden on anyone. I also don’t want to ask someone else to do something for me that I am fully capable to do if I would just practice some bravery. And maybe my body would be grateful for the exercise anyway. 

So my plan on Thursday was to wake up earlier and get everyone ready to go. I’d hand them all granola bars and we’d take off on bike to school. We’d have to leave an hour before school starts to make sure we had enough time to get there. No worries… we can do that. It’s nothing like my grandparents endured. They had to walk to school, uphill both ways, in blinding blizzards! Oh yes. This is nothing compared to that. When your school is on the other side of Mount Everest… I’d strongly recommend home school. Lucky us for the “another day of sun” California weather. As soon as I determined to not be a sissy, I found out… the weather forecast on Thursday was for rain.

Of course. Good thing Ben got back in time for me to use the car… but honestly… one of these times we’ll bike to school. And I’m not going to announce it beforehand because chances are high my mother or grandmother or aunt or someone will talk me out of it. I’m determined to be independent in my own way. …Oh boy. I think I just regressed to my teenager, or maybe toddler, self. 

Recently at church we learned that the Lord wants us to be grateful and gracious receivers. But where does that stop and self-sufficiency begin? I am grateful for my mother always being willing to let us use her car. I am grateful that I can ask for rides and receive them when I can’t do it on my own. I am grateful for the assurance that it’ll all work out because there are too many people who love us. But when does being on the receiving end constantly be too much for those around me? When is it too much for my soul to take? Maybe having the courage to struggle and sacrifice is a good thing. 

So… here’s the compromise to my independence. Whenever I have no access to our car I have two other family member’s cars that I can possibly use or get rides from. If however, it’s not a hurry and I can take an hour (plus half an hour of bike prep/kid prep) I will bike. So far… I haven’t had to trek there on my own with a toddler that will not be contained, a four year old who’s always asking me to go faster, and two small legged children. But, if I can… I should. Why not. The kids can handle it and I can feel the burn of a good workout. They can feel the reality of supporting someone and believing in them enough to sacrifice. I can feel the reality of it. I love that our families have decided to help us by taking a part of the sacrifice as well. They don’t need to tell us in words that they believe in Ben. They show us.

It’s really is a great life. We constantly see the goodness in people as they give of their resources and time. And as much as I wish I could stop being the receiver and give back, the only thing I know how to do right now… is to continue following what I believe to be true and supporting my husband. I hope someday the sacrifice will be enough. Not just mine, but the sacrifice of my children and my family and friends as well. I have a bright hope that the journey will be worth every mile.