Four girls?!

Ben is definitely peculiar to many of the actors he meets. For one thing, he’s happily married. I guess they believe that being in a committed relationship hinders your options as a performer, or maybe that acting destroys relationships. I admit, there have been jobs that he decided not to apply for because they would require him to leave us for a long period of time, or do things that would make me uncomfortable. Apparently, that’s strange to them.

What really makes him a sensation, though, is that we have so many children… and that we want more. We’re the unicorns of the entertainment world… they have heard of people like us, but they didn’t think we actually exist.

“You have four kids? Why?!”

We occasionally get a funny look, or an awkward question. Most people mean well, I’m sure, but it’s hard for them to understand. And I get it. Having kids is hard. But I didn’t think of us as a “large family,” until very recently.

I was one of four children. Growing up, I didn’t think of a family as “large” until they had six or more kids. I didn’t realize, until I was pregnant with my fourth, that I suddenly felt like we were in that category ourselves.

Part of the reason for that is that being pregnant with Adrie was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Most days, I literally thought I was losing my mind. I was so tired, all the time. I would often walk around like a zombie. I had children that were my sole responsibility to care for and raise, at least while Ben was working… but I could hardly stay awake, no matter how much sleep I had gotten. I woke up tired, and I was completely worn out before lunch.

Pretty much every afternoon, I would have the older two children play quietly in their room while I napped with my two year old, Winnie. Often, because of the naps, I would not have enough time to finish the chores. Some days, dishes just sat, counters remained cluttered, and floors stayed littered with toys, so I could make it to the end of the day.

One particular time, the sink was so full of dishes… I mean, there were no clean dishes left in the cupboard. It was that bad. When Ben got home late that night, he noticed how far behind I had fallen on house chores, and decided to load the dishwasher before going to bed.

Late the next morning, as I went to unload it, I noticed that the top rack was empty. I was a bit annoyed that, with a sink full of dishes, my darling hubby would start the load only half full. So I casually mentioned it to him.

“Hey, Hon? Thank you so much for doing dishes. I just thought you should know that you forgot to load the top rack of the dishwasher. If you could make sure it’s all the way filled next time, that would be great.”

Ben just gave me the strangest look, and replied, “I did…”

Knowing for certain that it was not full, I calmly stuck to my guns, and repeated my request. “Look, I’m not upset. I just thought you should know. I am very grateful that you loaded the dishwasher for me, but I do need it full.”

At this point, Ben paused for a long moment, and said once again, “Sweetheart, I did.”

Oh… it was on. I wasn’t looking for a fight, but there was no way was I losing this battle. I knew I was right, and I was going to prove it. I showed him the sink, still full of dishes. I showed him the dishwasher, with the top rack empty. And, with infinite patience, I asked him, “How could you have possibly filled the dishwasher? The sink is still full!”

I fully expected an argument, or at least a battle of wits. What I received was much worse. With a very concerned look, he simply said, “Are you feeling okay, Sweetheart?”

I was genuinely not expecting this… I was stunned. I knew that he had not been in the kitchen since the night before… he had started working as soon as he got up. So he was implying that I unloaded the top rack then…?! There was no way. I hadn’t. Now I was starting to get a bit upset.

“Well Ben, who unloaded it then? Jess was playing in her room, and Liz and Winnie are too small to reach. I know I didn’t empty it. So who did it?”

He definitely looked worried at this point. “You did, sweetheart.” Seeing how frustrated I was, he tried to draw me in for a hug, but I wasn’t having it. I straight-armed him, and furiously started putting away the dishes from the bottom rack. I was livid. He was implying that I had lost my mind! How dare he, when he was the one that forgot to load the dishwasher!

I opened the cupboards to put away the bottom rack of dishes… and that’s when I saw them. The top rack dishes, nicely stacked and put away. As I stared at them, memories suddenly began to surface from the recesses of my mind, and I remembered, very vaguely, having put them away.

I tried to find the right words to admit I was wrong… but all I could do was turn around slowly, and give my own worried look back to Ben. And I began to sob.

Good thing he’s so forgiving. And that he has such a healing hug. He’s kind of like my own personal Baymax. *Sigh*… pregnancy brain is real folks.

Parenthood is often like that… filled with dirty diapers (or worse… because sometimes it doesn’t stay in the diaper), whining, messes, foggy memory, and sleepless nights. That’s not even addressing pregnancy and childbirth. Why, then, wouldn’t we stop after having one, or at the most, two? It almost seems like cruel and unusual punishment we inflict on ourselves, right?

To answer that, I have to back up a bit.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mommy. From the time I was a little girl, I had planned on having children as part of my future. When we got married, Ben and I had our own plans, of course. There were a lot of things that we had wanted to do before having kids. I hadn’t traveled much. Nor had I finished college, or had a career. We were living in a 450 square foot apartment. We didn’t even have a car. Ben was going to school and working as a bank teller. Life wasn’t exactly ideal for having a baby.

God had other plans, though, and I became a mommy years earlier than I had ever thought I would. It was shortly after we were married that we felt that God wanted us to start our family. Faith, as usual, took the wheel. We decided to follow the prompting, and a few months later, Jess was on her way. And God made it work, like He always does. Ben got promoted from a teller to personal banker. We were able to afford a more comfortable apartment, and buy a car.

Funny enough… each additional child has come under harder and harder circumstances. And yet, here they are. Here we are. And I wouldn’t change the choices I’ve made for anything. Ben and the girls have been the best choices of my life.

So, we’re happily the “mythical creatures.” Yes, we’re here… we’re real. And yes, we might have less opportunities because of our priorities, but we believe God will take the opportunities we have and make them count for more. We won’t hinder each other… I believe that it is because of each other that we will succeed.