The Dilemma: Shop With Children… or Starve?

I recently read “Marley and Me” by John Grogan. It was a great book! Definite must read. It’s about a family raising a very unruly and hyper yellow labrador. The dog, Marley, is nicknamed “The World’s Worst Dog.” The book follows the Grogan family as they balance their lives as journalists, spouses and parents, and dog owners. Throughout the story, Marley gets kicked out of obedience school, tears apart the house due to fear of lightning, eats the baby’s dirty diapers, and still manages to become a vital and endearing member of the Grogan family.

At one point in the story, the Grogans needed a dog sitter for Marley while they go on vacation. They asked everyone they knew, but were only able to find one person willing to watch him. Luckily for them… this person hasn’t met Marley. The Grogans left the poor, unsuspecting sitter with a 6-page, single spaced list of how to take care of Marley, with items such as “if you spot a tick on him and have the stomach for it, just pick it off,” and “Marley tends to get a little freaked out during storms… we keep his sedatives in the cupboard.” It was such a terrible experience that the dog sitter never watched Marley again.

Funny thing about having four kids, finding a willing babysitter sometimes feels like asking someone to watch Marley.

That’s not to say that there haven’t been people who haven’t been willing; we’ve had some amazing friends who have traded babysitting with us on a regular basis, and haven’t been bothered by it at all. But for most people, they find the idea of watching four kids a bit overwhelming. Weird, right?

Honestly, though, I get it. It’s overwhelming to me, too… on a daily basis. There are days when I wonder how anyone survives with four children (or more). Generally speaking, unless we find someone who is wanting to trade with us, we don’t get babysitters unless it’s a special occasion. Although… I’m thinking grocery shopping should totally count as a special occasion.

Any time I go out with them anywhere, I feel like a momma duck with her ducklings. I head into the store, and the kids trail after me as I gently quack after them. If you listen closely you might be able to hear me at the store saying, “Come on, duckies!” over my shoulder.

You’ll probably also hear someone say to me, “You look like you have your hands full…” I can pretty much guarantee that, wherever I go, someone will use this phrase on me. I’m not exaggerating. I went to a park and a man had his wiggling toddler thrown over his shoulder, and he said it to me. It seemed odd coming from him, but there it was.

I am on full-time mommy mode when I go to the store. Not only do I have to keep four children within arms reach at all times, but I also need to make sure the baby doesn’t stand up in the cart or eat the food, the toddler hasn’t sat on the bread, and the older two aren’t touching each other or playing tag in the store. And yes, it’s as exhausting as it sounds.

I know it’s time to leave when the cart is too full for the one sitting in the basket. Last week Winnie was using the watermelon as a seat, and using tuna cans as “ice skates.” By the end of the shopping trip, I have usually reached my 10,000 steps, and I am hungry, and I am worn out. And of course, the children are, too.

There are some days I would rather wait until the last glass of milk is gone and last slice of bread has been eaten before I go to the store. Now, if it was just me and my girls at home, that might be a great idea. Ben is not always home, and he’s generally fed on set, so it’s usually just us at home. Well, that would have been true before… but now that I live in a home with three additional adults, I have to think more strategically.

Granted… they do do their own shopping if they need to, but now that I live there, I do most of the cooking, so I generally do most of the grocery shopping. And when I decide to wait to do the shopping, we all will eventually end up looking in the fridge being left to wonder what there is to eat, other than the obscure meal I can throw together with the whatever spare ingredients are left in the house.

So it makes sense that I should go grocery shopping more regularly. Honestly, though, it is so stressful. If wrestling the kids isn’t enough, I also have to wait in super long lines, battle traffic and lane changes, big crowds, and most of all, my own anxiety. Most of that wouldn’t be a huge deal, if it weren’t for that. When you’re already anxious, though, even little things become a big obstacle.

After weeks of internal debate over what I should do, and after hearing and reading rave reviews, I came to the conclusion that I could totally pay for food delivery. All I needed was a good delivery service. So I started researching. I found an awesome company called “Imperfect Produce.” They sell produce that the grocery stores won’t take due to size, blemishes, or overabundance. This produce is sold at a reduced price, and then delivered to my door, for a small service charge (If you want to try them out, you can click here for $10 off your first purchase). I could even tell them what I wanted in the box so I didn’t end up with fruits and veggies we won’t eat. We decided to try them out, and loved it; we were so excited to get the produce delivery from them each week.

Buying our fruits and veggies through Imperfect Produce made it so that, when we went to the store, we only needed a few little items that didn’t come in our weekly box. It was so nice; our grocery shopping time was cut in half! I was feeling very proud of what I had discovered, although it wasn’t a perfect solution… I still had to go to the store for the rest of my shopping.

Then, one day, fate struck. I found a delivery service that would deliver ALL my groceries from my favorite store in the area! “Eureka! We’ve done it now, prospector. We’ve hit the gold mine!” Oh yes. I would never have to leave my house, wrestling with my children along the way, to go to the grocery store ever again! And, just in case I ever did want to actually go to the store, I had even found a friend who was willing to swap as sitters for each other so we can shop without being climbed on.

Well… as I was celebrating my success in fixing this problem, I received a little spiritual prompting. I felt like I was being told that seeing children is good for people. I was also reminded that I don’t really go anywhere or meet anyone except the people at my church. And it came to me: how am I supposed to be a disciple of Christ, if no one ever sees me or my children? How am I supposed to remind people that children are a gift from God? How will they ever realize that being a stay-at-home mother is not a waste of time and talent… but a divine calling? I can’t hide from the world. I can’t let my fear and anxiety win.

I believe that the Devil works very hard to instill fear in us to keep us from doing the good we have the capacity to do, to weaken our influence on the world around us. We’re so afraid of failure that we don’t even try, eliminating any chance that we could succeed, regardless of the odds. We’re so afraid of our children being kidnapped that we forget to teach them to smile and be kind to strangers (not to start conversations, mind you, just to be kind). We’re so afraid that we will be overwhelmed that we forget that we have heaven’s help.

Now… I’m not saying that I won’t ever get my groceries delivered. And I’m not trying to imply that I will take them all shopping with me every time. I will probably choose to go shopping when Adrie is sleeping at home with Ben, or when Liz is at school. I will have days when I need a break and will trade with my friend so that I can wander the aisles in much-needed solitude. What I am saying is that I am going to stop trying to figure out ways to never take them out in public. I am going to choose to find my courage, and confront my anxiety. I am going to smile at the people who say, “You look like you have your hands full.”

These lovely girls deserve to experience life. They deserve to influence the world. When I take them to the store, we get to see lots of amazing fruits and veggies, and foods from different cultures. One aisle is full of dozens of different kinds of rice. I never knew there were so many different varieties! I love that they get to see that. What’s more, I want to teach these girls that they can choose to help. They need to know that people watch them to see what children are like, and to see if they want children of their own.

Children are good. They want to help. They want to be responsible. And I need to give them the opportunity to be that light to those around them.

I’m so grateful that Ben and I are not alone in raising these children. God is watching out for them, and is so willing to throw me a page from His “parenting handbook” from time to time.

Just to be clear, I don’t think that the inspiration I get from God is the right answer for you. I believe that He is involved in each of our lives, and my answers will be different from yours. Just like our lives, and our children, are different. I am happy that God loves us all enough to teach us individually, and that He trust us with His children. What will always be the same, though, is that all of us can influence the world for good if we choose to trust Him and rise above our fears.